Separate funeral to be held for Hugh Heffner’s erection

coffin2heff

An outpouring of public grief for the passing of Hugh Heffner has arguably been exceeded by the softcore porn mogul’s viagra-driven erection.

A funeral has been planned next week to farewell the man affectionately referred to as “Heff” by friends, however, many believe even more tears will be flowing for the erection that saw the inside of more women than an experienced gynaecologist.

Thousands of fans turned up to the Playboy Mansion today so they could pay their respects to both Heff and his warrior penis, with many leaving a few empty viagra bottles on the doorstep as a token of their respect.

“To be honest I came here today mainly for the erection, I mean, how did it manage to stay fired up all those years,” one impressed mourner told us.

When The Fault Report approached the funeral directors for comment, they revealed that a separate funeral will be held for the erection, but not for the reason you might suspect.

“Well, we have to hold a separate funeral because without wanting to sound crass, the bloody lid of the coffin won’t close,” the director of the funeral procession said.

“This was simply a logistical decision, we certainly didn’t want to have the lid held open like the hood of a car being worked on by a mechanic.”

“And now that rigo mortis is beginning to set in, the erection is only getting stronger by the day so clearly this was a problem we needed to solve quickly.”

The two funeral will be held consecutively next Sunday with female attendees encouraged to attend the service naked in accordance with Hugh Heffner’s wishes.

CHECK OUT THE LATEST EPISODE OF THE VOLUNTARY TACKLE NRL PODCAST HERE

Category:

*

Top