The World Health Organisation has revealed that a radical new form of Influenza that only attacks people of immense artistic talent is at pandemic levels.
The organisation held a press conference in New York earlier today to break the news.
“We tried to keep this thing under wraps for a while so as not to alarm the public, but after the loss of Prince last night we decided we needed to let the world know what we’re facing,” a spokesperson for the WHO said.
“David Bowie, Garry Shandling, Alan Rickman, Glenn Frey, Ronnie Corbett, Harper Lee, the list goes on. But taking Prince was just the last straw. We need a f*#king cure!”
When asked how they can confirm the virus is only striking talented celebrities, the WHO claimed they had already run thousands of tests to confirm.
“Trust us, only genuinely talented celebs are at risk with this, we can confirm that hypothesis because we have rubbed the likes of Rick Astley, Nick Carter and Sting with a host of talented corpses and unfortunately they can all report a great bill of health,” the health body claimed.
Clinical trials on a vaccine are already underway, with scientists from around the world attempting to extract DNA from as many famous no-talent arse clowns as possible in the hope of developing an antidote.
“The trials are slow going but we believe we have made a major breakthrough with the harvesting of Tim Allen’s skin,” a prominent scientist working on the project told the media.
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