MAN ON HOLD TO CENTRELINK DIES FROM OLD AGE

WITHOUT CLOSURE: ALFIE PICTURED WITH HIS BELOVED MOBILE PHONE ABOVE.

NEVER GOT CLOSURE: ALFIE PICTURED WITH HIS BELOVED MOBILE PHONE ABOVE.

An Australian man has sadly passed away from age-related diseases overnight after being left on hold to Centrelink for more than 12 years.

The man, known as “Alfie” by his friends, was determined to make a routine inquiry about his pension payments but tragically never received closure on his eligibility.

“He was such a sweet guy but we didn’t see him much towards the end of his life,” claimed close friend Elsa.

“He was once so full of life and liked to go out dancing and play bingo, but towards the end there he would never leave the house and always seemed agitated and withdrawn.”

A funeral will be held next Thursday in Glebe where he will be buried with all of his most treasured possessions, his guitar, his collection of antique football cards, and his Nokia 3210, the one item he was never without in his declining years.

The Fault Report reached out to Centrelink for comment on the news, however, we are still waiting for a response and are currently 1134598354th in the queue.

THE FAULT REPORT IS A SATIRICAL WEBSITE AND ITS CONTENTS ARE NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REALITY IS PURELY (AND LAMENTABLY) COINCIDENTAL.

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