New Zealand declare day of mourning after confirmation Barnaby Joyce is theirs

THE WORST THING AUSTRALIA HAS DONE TO NEW ZEALAND SINCE THE UNDERARM BOWLING INCIDENT IN 1982.

THE WORST THING AUSTRALIA HAS DONE TO NEW ZEALAND SINCE THE UNDERARM BOWLING INCIDENT IN 1981.

The New Zealand flag is flying at half-mast today after confirmation by independent sources that Barnaby Joyce is a New Zealand citizen.

The kiwi Prime Minister, Bill English, fronted the media today to convey the sense of sadness that has swept the nation since the news.

“Obviously, this is a shocking day for our proud island nation,” Mr English told the nation in a televised address.

“We will need a lot of time to reflect and heal from this awful tragedy but we will get through this as a people.”

Contrasting this mood however is the sense of sheer jubilation experienced by most Australians on the other side of the Tasman.

“Exporting Barnaby Joyce to New Zealand feels better than getting the all clear after a terminal cancer diagnosis,” one man told us before dancing away in a plume of rainbow-coloured splendour.

“I have already allowed my pet dogs to pee on his lawn several times, this is truly unparalleled liberation,” a beaming Johnny Depp added.

THE FAULT REPORT IS A SATIRICAL WEBSITE AND ITS CONTENTS ARE NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REALITY IS PURELY (AND LAMENTABLY) COINCIDENTAL.

 

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