Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has revealed a radical new security plan aimed at keeping his leadership safe from Tony Abbott.
“The safety of my leadership is something I hold very dear to my heart and is one that I pledge to protect at all costs,” Mr Turnbull said this morning.
“Intelligence briefings handed to me over the last couple of months suggests the risk of insurgency from Mr Abbott is simply too credible to ignore.”
The new ‘super, hyper, mega security agency’ codenamed ‘Punt the Monk’, will be headed up by Peter Dutton who has already identified and actioned a hardline strategy to put a stop to Abbott’s assault on the leadership.
“Well, let’s just say that we won’t be hearing from Mr Abbott again anytime soon,” a coy Minster for Everything Morally Dubious said before tapping his nose repeatedly.
When asked to clarify what this comment in conjunction with incessant face touching meant, the Minister reluctantly obliged.
“He’s dead okay. We shot him. Thanks for taking all of the romance and intrigue out of it,” a huffy Dutton sniped before leaving the press conference abruptly.
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