Shabby man insists eating kale makes him more successful

EATING KALE ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP

EATING KALE ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP

An odd smelling man from Bondi has today claimed that the regular ingestion of leaf cabbage is the key to a successful life.

The strange assertion was made via the man’s Instagram account, which depicted his crotch area decorated with several bunches of green and purple kale and a hip stance that can only be described as pornographic.

The accompanying blurb stated “Kale makes my balls feel more organic and my brain more successful”.

When questioned on the veracity of his claims by some of his followers, the man who goes by the handle KaleMan2000 appeared flustered.

“Look, kale just works for me alright. Stop asking me so many questions,” he wrote on his account.

And things only got worse when he was asked to explain what Kale actually is.

“What do you mean what is it? It’s kale. What are you asking exactly? I don’t know what it’s made of or anything. I think it’s a herb. Or maybe a shrub? It’s definitely green. Oh go fuck yourselves.”

The man has since deleted his account and we are unable to confirm if kale made the man smarter, or if he remained as think as a whale omelette.

THE FAULT REPORT IS A SATIRICAL WEBSITE AND ITS CONTENTS ARE NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REALITY IS PURELY (AND LAMENTABLY) COINCIDENTAL.

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